This is such a sad yet important consideration to make. If he attempted to re-enter my life now, I would not be remotely inclined to invite him in. My mother says I should be more forgiving but honestly I don't want to be. She took the strap out and whipped my sister’s poor bottom until it was bright red! He has chosen the life he has now. Ron kindly told him to never speak to him again and went full blown no contact. It sounds like you have a direct example of both potential choices. What should I do? Until I was a teen my parents were great Coparents and we were all close with our dad. Right now my brother and think that we are just his backup. By Casey Strong. I'm his daughter & my dad said he hated me & disowned me on the phone. You are worth more than what your dad and his wife treated you like. He didn't even know that my sister had a second kid until recently and she said that it hit him pretty hard. 2 Dislike this! He lives with his fiance close to our dad and told him never to contact him. Join Yahoo Answers and get 100 points today. Can you put yourself in their respective places mentally as you observe how things are going with them? But the same thing is true on the other side, too: what if he meets another "Susan"? Since I don't use social media or use the Internet much (dirty hippie stuff) my friend is posting this for me so I can get some outside perspectives. It is only fair. The male lead was her ex-husband, the dignified heir of Yan Wang, his family were superior and brilliant, but the heroine was not her. Since she had little family and they had no friends outside each other he is pretty much alone now. She says mean things about my mother. At the end of the day, the decision you're really making is "is a relationship with my father worth the risk of him disappointing me again"? Get your answers by asking now. Still have questions? She has always favored her own children over me and hasn't tried to hide it. Ron was the only blunt one and told dad that he can't just come back after everything. He buys her clothes & nice things. The only contact I have with him is through Trish and she thinks that Dad is still deeply mourning and that he wants his kids back in his life. Those were my brothers exact words. When I got engaged, I wrote him a letter trying to reconnect. I think waiting a while is definitely the right call, and I'd add to that that this isn't a one-time-only all-or-nothing decision. Dear Sugars,. My grandparents (on my dad's side) would come and visit every summer while we were there, and I only recently learned that they did this to protect us as much as they could from Dragonlady. I'm a bit of a grudge-holder, personally. I overheard my mum tell my stepdad that she hates me and that she has to take anti-depressants because of me, what do i do to change that? The unrecognizable person you have become. The problem is that my stepmother seems to hate me. See, I hate the man who chose drugs over me, over his son, over our family. I cut my dad off many years ago. Then they divorced and he remarried, without inviting me to the wedding. She used many of the same tactics that Susan used on you guys, including telling me that I was ugly and had no friends, withholding food, mocking me for liking to read, and crying to my dad that I was hurting her feelings. Anger that my father did not adopt the role he 'should' have. "Pisces of fish" oh my gosh this is great. My stepmom controls my dad I'm jelaous & hurt. All the women can vote out any man and choose a woman but for where, hatred won't let them. Hi I am Rose I had to get this off my chest this has been going on in my mind my whole life my mother died when I was 7 years old and my father was very depressed about it as I was too my mother was an amazing women my dad got remarried after 1 year a mean nasty women with two daughters she made me do all the household chores and my step sisters did not do anything made me sleep in the guest room I beard the abuse and I did not tell my father about it as he would have scolded me he favored my step sisters a lot more than me i also went to my mothers grave and wept a lot I met my now husband Mel at 17 he came from a loving traditional family that accepted me with open arms when he heard what happened he allowed me to move in with his family I left home at 18 years old I told my stepmother and her two daughters “I am now moving out of here and moving in with my fiancé Mel you guys are the worst people ever when I have children I will never let you meet them you will never be invited to my wedding as well” I also told my father “you are the worst father ever goodbye” and left I never invited them to my wedding and, Continue: my father has never met my children, Continue: I have my own children and grandchildren and great grandchildren but i still break down and cry about my father choosing my stepmother and her two daughters over me during my child, Continue hood I never got over it somehow things will get better than bam get depressed again it wounded me very deeply and I never moved on or heeled from it my husband told me it is my fathers loss but still it has been bothering me ever since, Is it ok to continue to sob about how my dad chose my stepmother over me. I thought I was the most important thing in his life but it has become clear to me that his loyalties lie with his children from his first wife. She was so mean. This Pisces her off since I always assumed she lived off the drama she caused when Trish would cry or Ron got mad. On a Friday in June, I called my father, Keith*, to make plans for Father’s Day. Ron meanwhile went through a rough patch after he graduated college and he broke up with his boyfriend. You appear to be flirting with the idea of going head-to-head with your husband’s children over his life insurance policy, should he die before his children reach the age of 23. He just said that Susan was part of the family now and that he stood by his wife. Who do you agree with more, deep down? At any point in time, it's okay for you to say "actually, I don't want you in my life." Help to find brother and why I can look him up on intent can any one help? We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. July 20, 2016. Did he apologise at all? I could go on and on. Children sometimes confuse their parents’ assets with their own. It was harder for me to accept that my father chose to ignore it because I knew he loved me. A father can choose n0t to care if he doesnt see the kid physically. This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/relationships, More posts from the relationships community. My husband and I have been married a little over a year.Until recently everything has been wonderful. Just so mean. Am I the asshole for that? It was your father’s estate when he was alive, not yours, and now it belongs to your stepmother. If he didn't even apologise I'd be afraid that the same is going to happen as soon as he meets a new woman. "I reached out to my stepmother, after being encouraged by my father, and was rebuffed. A … Even if you and your stepmother had a close relationship prior to your father's passing, anger and confrontation may develop. I know EXACTLY how you feel. This makes me want nothing to do with them until my father decides to get his life together and chose someone better than the witch of a stepmother I have. For 2 years - he was SuperDad! My mom wants to keep setting me up with guys but I am gay. My mom is a great person, she was the only parent who would call Susan out when she bullied Trish and gave Ron a hard time. He made his choice. my dad chose other women over his kids and my mom chose a deadbeat over us both of them at fault. OP, you can always decide in a month or two to get coffee with him or talk to him by phone, see how it goes, and then decide if you want any further contact. I want to cut ties. 0 Reply. And he is otherwise a good man, a wonderful father… You are, at best, second to him. After that, I decided that he didn't exist for me anymore. But don't forget - if Susan hadn't died, he wouldn't be in contact with any of you. She has over the years attacked me with her nasty comments and she has used me to put a wedge between my Husband and his Father, she has also pushed my brother in law out. And I just had to come to terms with, that's how my dad is. When our Mom confronted dad about he he just made up a stupid excuse about Susan beING a strong woman and that Trish could learn from her. I've spoken to him once (maybe) in the past 7 years. This is a long story but I will do my best to summarize. My parents divorced while I was still a toddler and most of my childhood was spent between both parents and my older sister, "Trish" and brother "Ron". Mourning the loss of someone who is still alive seems like a waste of time. I d0nt think he is the father. I don't have a problem with people making mistakes as long as they apologize and improve themselves. She died and he wants to reconnect with us. My father chose my step-mother over me. Hi I am Rose I had to get this off my chest this has been going on in my mind my whole life my mother died when I was 7 years old and my father was very depressed about it as I was too my mother was an amazing women my dad got remarried after 1 year a mean nasty women with two daughters she made me do all the household chores and my step sisters did not do anything made me … Like this! My sister was crying and trying to say how sorry she was, but couldn’t speak over the tears. He called me every week! Now that is no excuse for his behaviour whatsoever. When I was 10, just months after my parents’ divorce, my father told me he was dating a new woman. We had a 2 page TYPED list of chores to do every weekend. I lost count of the number of times she called me fat. tldr Dad got remarried and chose his new wife over his kids. But still I believe it would put things into perspective. Good luck, OP. why can't parents understand the difference between "lazy" and "unmotivated"? Feb 1, 2019 - When you are a small child and your father has an all-consuming interest that is not you, it takes no time at all for you to internalize your father’s prioritizing. If it was OP's dad who was coming here before Susan died, we'd all encourage him to leave her BUT we'd all be aware how difficult that would be as this reddit is very aware how difficult it is for victims to leave their abusers. Do you want your father to have a part in your life and do you feel inclined to forgive what he did? But secondly mention that Susan sounds very emotionally manipulative. Is this a good reason to kick my son out of the house? My stepmom is mean. My father chose my step-mother over me. After that Trish just stopped visiting and Dad told her to grow up. You can't deal with this. I've spoken to him once (maybe) in the past 7 years. At any point in time, it's okay for you to say "I'm not comfortable with this, let's slow down and go back to phone calls or once a month coffee meetings or only seeing each other occasionally at family events Trish is hosting.". She made our lives miserable. When I was 18, my dad went through a midlife crisis and divorced her. When my siblings visited she demanded that we call her "mom " and she had this deep dislike for Trish. I haven't talked to him since. I told him how lonely it made me feel, how inadequate, how unattractive, how empty. He declined the invitation to my wedding via Hallmark card. Trump's most profitable asset is currently at risk, Brady to have 'minor' surgery after Super Bowl victory, 'Bachelor' contestant admits party photo was a mistake, Fauci predicts April will be 'open season' for vaccines, Olympic champ Klete Keller hit with 7-count indictment, Popeyes' owner challenges chicken sandwich rivals, Charges: Man shot staff one by one in attack, CEOs to workers: Stay home until at least September, CNN host rips Cruz for breast milk tweet during trial, Biden: U.S. securing 600 million vaccine doses by July, Valparaiso is ditching its Crusaders nickname. His father and stepmother say they, too, are still waiting to hear how their little boy died. It's up to you whether you want to let him back into your life, but acknowledge that there is something fundamentally wrong with him that he allowed these things to happen to you and your siblings. I lost my home, my family, everything. He cared about my life! Then he met Wife #3, who is one of the kindest people I have ever met in my life. He spent 15 years showing me EXACTLY what I meant to him, which was nothing. We all came to accept that Dad chose his new wife over us and while it hurt like hell we moved on. Susan even had three adult kids that hated her and only one of them came to her funeral. My dad never stood up for us. But that's me. You are the fruit of his labour and just a part of his life journey. I feel bad for beating up my dad what should I do? That will mostly depend on your age. Once again, all I said was ‘yes ma’am’. He didn't even come to my high school graduation or Trish's wedding because him and Susan were saving money. And I learned it so well that I have no interest in forming any relationship with him now or ever, even if he apologized to me. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Yeah, I think a sincere apology would be the absolute minimum necessary here, and even then it would take a long time to build back trust. But no-one can bring that back now, not even my father. Then they divorced and he remarried, without inviting me to the wedding. My cruel stepmother's abuse cast a long shadow over my childhood. And that thing that's wrong - probably isn't fixed. For me, that's resulted in a life up until now lined with shame, guilt and anger. I'm extremely jealous & hurt because my dad picked her over me. What could he do to make the decision easier for you and do you think he would be willing to do it? I'd at least wait and see just how hard he's willing to work at making amends. Tell Trish if that Pisces of fish wants to come back to your life, he needs to apologize. Basically, if you decide to have any contact at all with him, you can and should take it slow and reevaluate as you go. He just let her do her worst. He denied that his now daily porn habit was a problem or that it had anything to do with our anemic sex life or his complete lack of affection toward me. If my dad's wife dropped dead tomorrow (please, God) I would under no circumstances allow him back into my life. I don't have much advice, OP, but I just wanted to comment in solidarity and say that I hear you. Lizzie Borden is best known for her arrest and trial for the 1892 ax murders of her father and stepmother. My father also married a woman who emotionally abused me throughout my entire youth. Would he ever, under any circumstances, stand up to her to protect his kids? It’s a common mistake . And my dad slowly started fading. me and my siblings dont care why should we? I don't think that I would be able to forgive someone if I was holding that much (justifiable) anger and hurt in my heart. The burden of self-blame is gone. My life is much richer because he is not in it. My mom is struggling because her boyfriend has cancer and seeing her so vulnerable and sad just kills me. Okay some back story here. Throughout all of this, my dad turned his head and refused to stand up for me. Since he couldn't afford a new place of his own he moved with dad for a bit but left after a few weeks. The Dragonlady (as my dad's mother nicknamed her) told my dad on their wedding night that she hated us kids. His entire time their was just Susan telling him that his degree was a joke, that he was pathetic for still living off his parents, and would even mock him for "flaming" if he got excited over something, telling him he was too flamboyant . The drug addict who slowly consumed the person I loved and refused to give him back. He didn't apologize in a sense but he says that he misses us and that he missed out on too much. I'm 17 & my dad got remarried 4 years ago. Same in Nigeria. If you’re 18 or older in most states, you can just leave (*assuming* you have a job and can afford to support yourself). For me, it is a relief to not have to wonder and worry and question why he didn't love me more, what was wrong with me that made me unworthy to him. When my sister bent over the bed, my stepmom pulled her panties down and asked me if I could see what was about to happen. If you want to wait a while and see how his relationship with Trish develops, that would be just fine. So. Once all of us kids were old enough to decide if we wanted to go to our dad's house for holidays and whatnot, we all stopped going. My Father Chose His New Wife Over Me. After that the contact we had was pretty much him calling and asking about how things were. He took me to Italy for a month! Right now I'm just confused and I don't know what to do. And I learned to accept him for the kind of dad he is emotionally capable of being and that expecting more from him would only result in me being hurt. I still haven't gotten over that. This theme—nice stepdad, "horrible" stepmom—was remarkably common, as was the tendency to consider a stepfather "another parent" but a stepmother more like "my father… my sis said dad sperm donor and mom desperate 4 a man. After he left he told dad that he expected an apology and that he did not deserve to be treated like garbage by Susan while his father just watched. my dad still goes back to cali every month to be wit his hoe, she is 75 yrs old good 4 him. With me I never took any of Susan's bs and if she would say something to me or make a comment I'd just ignore her or leave the room. Other replies have reminded OP that if Susan hadn't passed away, he wouldn't have gotten back in touch. Dad took her side and the last time I was at his house involved him screaming at me and calling me an ingrate. I’m 21 years old and still incapable of dealing with my stepmother. Finally just before thanksgiving Susan passed away suddenly and it hit Dad hard. They had only been dating for a few months when they decided to get married. My father chose my stepmother over me despite her being emotionally/physically abusive and a druggy, and me never doing anything to him. Lin Wei Xi found out after she died that she was just a cannon fodder in a novel, used as contrast to the gentle and considerate and virtuous female lead. "Cinderella", apparently you've read said story and are transposing it onto yourselves. I would be more willing to forgive a man that came to me with genuine regret and remorse over one that's only apologizing because his circumstances have changed. we dont care 4 either parent they did nothing 4 us. Press J to jump to the feed. It is very rare for male parents to choose their children over a spouse. My big, fabulous family comes complete with two former wives and eight children, five of whom belong to my husband, one to me, and two to both of us. It was... surreal. She was acquitted in 1893. I want to first say that I absolutely agree with you. Instead she cried to Dad and told him that I hurt her deeply and that I made her feel unloved in her own home. I overheard her calling me a spoiled brat to my father. There's only little we know about how she treated OP's dad but it very much sounds like she was abusive. We got into a shoving match and I stormed off and went to a local fast food place until my mom could come get me. I will never again give him the opportunity to hurt me or make me feel unimportant and unloved. But don't forget - if Susan hadn't died, he wouldn't be in contact with any of you.

The Happy Tree, Calcium Acetate Ph, Ryobi Replacement Parts Near Me, Chinese Male Names Generator, Timberlake Sacramento For Rent, Pecan Orchard Near Me, Fisherman Shield Botw,