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Control

Control. That is such a small word but one that appears to be running both our nation and the world today. Maybe it always has. Okay it always has. Control runs the world but it appears to be control with no options, no compromise. Instant media seems to make it easier to see our irrational need for control while feeling that we have no control at all. We see and hear about it daily in our instant communication. I have no control, I need control, I will take that control at all cost This is not a thesis on the latest shootings or on congress verses the president. It is a dialog hopefully on the word control.

According to the free online dictionary, the first one to come up in google, the word control means : to exercise authority or dominating influence over others. To hold in restraint. This morning I was watching a segment on a news show talking about equality. One of the guests said that “having to dominate or be in control is both dehumanizing and restricting”. I am saying that control is “ The new American Way”. When we lose control in jobs, security and home life we look outside for ways to regain that control. We grab it wherever we can and then we hold on. No letting go. No compromise. No give and take. My way or the highway.

My husband and I have recently had an issue with a group who appear to practice the above. By being in control, dominating others rights, the group must be feeling some power. That need for power must come from their feeling of a lack of control in their lives. That is sad. Grown men who work very hard to capture and maintain control, dominate, exercise their perceived authority over others. It makes me ask what has happened in their lives to feel they need to control others. It also makes me wonder what they think they get out of that perceived authority and control.

Recently we all watched a scenario about a man who kidnapped and held three young women hostage for years. He told the authorities that they were a family, a happy family. The girls told a different story. When he was locked up like he had locked them up, he could not handle it and took his own life. When he lost control he lost. It was either/or. The girls, actually women now, appear to be doing well. They have taken back their own control and are moving on with their lives. It is often said that men have to win to be loved and women have to lose to be loved. I think that in this current society, it is all about control and winning with both sexes, all races, political parties and world governments. I have to win! There is no compromise, no give and take, no allowing for a win/win situation.

So why am I writing about this? Mostly because I find it difficult to continue to watch our society’s need to win at all costs. The NCAA talks about sportsmanship and fair play but it is obvious that that does not often happen in the actual sporting event. Attorneys take and try cases to win, not to serve justice. Our current congress cannot get anything done because they all have to always win. Couples I see want to win. Everyone wants to control the outcome of their little scrap of the universe. I do not think that we can sustain in a world where there is no compromise. No sportsmanship and fair play. No give and take. I am asking you to look at the ways you may feel you need control and to see if that is really true. Is winning all that important? Can’t compromise work for us? Is always winning worth not only our soul but our well being right now? What if we practice exercising less authority, give up some of that dominating influence we seem to need over others? What if we stop being scared of not always winning and allow others to also win even if it is only a partial win? When do we become humans again and move towards letting go of Control?